Melancholy Miracles
by PhilosophicalCats
Summary: An Asylumstuck fanfiction. Gamzee and Tavros are both admitted to the same asylum, on the same day, both under going the same treatment, by the same people. They meet three people by the names of Nepeta, Equius, and Terezi. Lots of angst and sadness but eventual Pb&J lovins. IN TAVROS' P.O.V
1. His Name Is Tate

April 25th, 2012.

Journal Entry 1.

Today I woke up in a box. They told me it was my room, that I'd be staying here for a while. Where is here?

_"Here? Here is a rehabilitation center." _That…That's an asylum.

_"This place will make you better." _I'm not crazy…I don't belong here! I just wanna go home…

_"Home is not an option right now, Tate." _Tate? No! That's not my name! I want to go back to Prospit! A troll shouldn't be captive like this!

_"Prospit isn't real, Tate. You are not a troll. You are a normal, human being. Your mother left when you were eight, and you were paralyzed from the waist down at age ten, from jumping off of the roof of your home. You are now thirteen years old." _I don't have a mother- I never did. Vriska's the reason I'm in a wheelchair! It's not my fault!

_"You will be allowed contact with other patients soon, Tate. Where you can all get better together." _Other patients?! Why is this happening to me?! Let me out of here!

My name is Tavros. Tavros Nitram. I am six sweeps old. I am a troll from the planet of Prospit. I am locked in an asylum, and I may never get out.


	2. His Name Is Gabriel

April 25th, 2012

Journal Entry 1.

Where am I? Why is this room so motherfucking small?

_"The room is only temporary. You are in the rehabilitation center." _Rehabili-what? Don't you mean an asylum? Why am I here?!

_ "Because you're sick, Gabriel." _Gabriel? Who the hell calls me Gabriel? And who said I was motherfucking sick?!

_"Your father sent you here. He said he was worried about you." _My…father? No. You're wrong. I want to leave and go home. Back to Derse. NOW.

_"Derse isn't real. None of that is real, Gabriel. You are a normal, human being." _What are you talking about? I..I am a troll. From the planet of Derse. My moirall is Karkat Vantas.

_"You are from planet Earth. You have no friends. You never attended school, and you barely left home. Nobody could talk to you, Gabriel. Nobody wanted to." _No…No! That isn't true! I want to go home! To see my moirails!

_"You will be allowed contact with other patients soon, Gabriel. You can all get better together." _I'm not crazy… I'm not a patient… let me go home…

My name is Gamzee. Gamzee Makara. I am seven sweeps old. I am a troll from the planet Derse. I am locked in an asylum. I don't think I'm going to come out.


	3. The Girl In The Glasses

_He sat in the middle of a dimly lit room. The walls were made of cold metal and a door stood on the wall in the corner. __**He was afraid.**_

The door was opened by a large man in white, who held out a hand; guiding me away from my room, out into the nearly empty halls of the asylum. I was taken into a large room filled with other people. "_They all look about my age." _I thought to myself, looking around silently. A small table sat in every corner of the room. My chair was wheeled to one of the tables, where I'd be sitting until I was taken back to my room. _Everyone's staring at me…I don't like it here. _

There was a girl who approached me. She had been given a name tag by her nurse; it read "Theresa" in bright green letters. She wore red glasses that shaded her eyes from everyone. _Is she blind? _She gave me a lopsided grin, introducing herself as Terezi.

"What's your name?" My name? Didn't they say it was Tate?

"Tavros…My name is Tavros." She grinned again, sitting across from me.

"What planet are you from Tav?"


	4. The Cat Girl and Her Scary Friend

"Planet? I'm from Prospit…" I stuttered, I always do. I couldn't hold eye contact, not like it mattered.

"Wow really? So am I!" She wouldn't stop grinning. I thought she was mocking me, but something told me she was being serious. Maybe it was the fact her name wasn't how she introduced herself, or maybe it was the fact she looked out of place. _Just like me._

My thoughts were interrupted, a small girl had come running to the table. She wore cat ears, and had a squeaky voice. _Her name is Nena. _  
"Nepeta. You shouldn't run around like that. You know how the nurses are…" Strong and intimating. That was what he was. I didn't get to see what his name tag said; the small girl was staring at me. _It's Nepeta, not Nena. _

"That's Tavros, Nep. He's from Prospit…" The girl in the glasses spoke up, that grin still dancing on her face.

"Did you hear that Equius! This is simply purrfect!" The cat girl squealed, an emphasis on the word _perfect,_ looking at the man who had yet to be identified. A quick glance up at him, avoiding his blank stare. _Ean…Ean becomes Equius. _

I sat watching in silence. The cat girl named Nepeta was hugging onto the taller man, Equius, while the strange girl in the glasses sat laughing. _They had been here together for a long time. They were a family._


	5. The Clown Boy

I sat in that same spot the next day, waiting. As if on schedule, the squeaky voice filled the room, followed by that high pitched laugh. Nepeta and Terezi joined me at the table, followed by Equius. The same conversation as yesterday. _Where are you from, why are you here. _All at once, our conversation stopped. Everyone turned to the door.

The room had suddenly grown silent, two nurses stepped inside. Another patient. It had to be.

He was a boy, sat in the opposite corner of the room, his hair covered most of his face, but I could clearly see the pale makeup covering his face. _A clown? _

"Stay here Gabriel, talk to the others…" I heard a nurse whisper to the boy, Gabriel. That name…it didn't fit his face.

"MY NAME ISN'T GABRIEL." He yelled, his voice was deep and raspy. "It's Gamzee." He spoke with a smirk, sharpened teeth poking from behind his lips. The nurses retreated, leaving him to sit in the corner. There was something in his voice…something that proved he wasn't a threat despite the harsh attitude.

_Fear._


	6. A Funny Thing Called Making Friends

Nepeta was fearless, that was for sure. She had eagerly engaged the clown boy the moment the nurses left. She encouraged us to talk to him, that he was one of us.  
He didn't pose a threat; that was for sure. He was actually kind of shy when we all came over to him, but that didn't last long. He asked about my wheelchair, and why Terezi wore the glasses. Paralyzed at age ten, blind at age six. He asked about Nepeta's cat ears and why Equius' glasses were broken. Roleplaying and…fashion?  
He could ask questions, and lots of them. When it came time for us to ask the questions, however, he shut down. His face had fallen, staring blankly at the floor beneath our feet. The others were at a loss. I spoke up, stuttering as usual.  
"wh-what planet…are you from?" This question, it made him raise his head, a small smile showing through. He began to speak.  
He came from the planet Derse. His name, Gamzee. He had a passion for clowns, possibly a juggalo. He was…strange. But, for some reason, I think he was my favourite.


	7. He Is- Special

The others had to leave… It was just me and Gamzee now.

His arm was slung around my shoulder. He was rambling about something I couldn't understand, but I still tried to listen.

He was nice; I think that's all I can honestly say at the moment. Well- I could say he was weird too, but I could also say that I liked it. He wasn't the frightening weird like Equius. Or the kind that made you feel all fuzzy like Nepeta. And he definitely wasn't Terezi weird. He was…Gamzee; the slightly stoned boy that knew exactly what to say to make you smile- even when you found yourself locked up in an asylum. He was my friend. He had told me that a few times already- and he seemed almost as happy as I was about it.

I dunno… I could get used to this…


	8. Panic and Flail

_"Doctor Geordan we have a code red in sector seven, I repeat a code red in sector seven."_

The siren blared from the halls that surround Tavros' room. He was held to his bed by the same two nurses who had brought him out earlier that day.

_"A melt down." _They said.

"_You'll be fine." _They said.

_"You're a monster."_ They said.

Why.

I'm not…a monster…I know I'm not all that normal but I'd never hurt anyone! I shouldn't be getting close to people- I shouldn't be pretending this is all okay.

I was strapped down to my bed when I watched them exit the room. _I was crying._

I could hear them talking outside of my room…

_"He tried to escape. It's normal for newer patients, but he's a special case. Let's give him time to calm down, and then we can remove the restrains. If he struggles, he'll be relocated."_

What did they mean "normal"?

What did they mean by "relocate"?!

They said they'd let me out once I calmed down…I just want to see Gamzee…


	9. Well Maybe I Like It

They let me out of the restrains earlier. Just like they said they would.

What they didn't mention is that I wouldn't be allowed contact with the other "patients" for a while.

Which meant I wouldn't get to see Gamzee or Nepeta or- or anyone!

I can't be trapped in here alone!

Maybe…maybe I am going insane…

_"You're not insane, Tav…just lonely." _The rough voice filled my ears, my head turning upwards.

"Gam..zee?" My voice cracked- I sounded horrible…

"They came in to the rec room and told us you would be in "solitary confinement" until you got better- I knew something bad must've happened…and I figured you'd be scared…" His words were filled with tension; he carefully sat on the edge of my bed. "And you seemed like the kind of person that gets lonely easily… So I thought I'd come down and pay you a visit…" he smiled, a warm, thoughtful smile that told me he really was worried.

I felt the tears flowing again; he held open his arms and let me curl up into his chest. I cried. Just like I always did when I got scared. Just- this time someone was there to tell me I'd be okay.

And- that person was just like me.

Categorized as insane…afraid to be stuck here alone… The others- they had each other. But me and Gamzee- we were still alone…

He cared because he understood…

And I liked that.

I liked that a lot.


	10. Oh

I wasn't allowed out again until the following week. They thought they had to wait until I was better to talk to the others- as if I would infect them or something. But it was okay I guess. Gamzee came to see me every day. I still missed the others…but this was better than nothing.

I was brought back to the rec room, as we all called it now, and placed in that same corner, same as always. Except…they others didn't come in after me. They didn't run to my corner and tell me how their days had been going. Nepeta didn't tell me she missed me and Gamzee wasn't there to greet me.

I was alone.


	11. I Am Alone

_I am alone._

_I don't know if it's because no one likes a fool, _

_Or that people just don't like me.._

_But I am alone._

_And I will remain that way._

The nurses told me the others were gone before I came in, that they needed to leave. They also said they seemed happy even without me here, as if I didn't really matter.

And I guess they were right…

The next time I was wheeled back to my little corner, they were there. They didn't notice me…but I noticed them. I didn't say anything, of course…but I really wish I would've.

They seemed so happy though…I didn't want to ruin that.

It made me think back to my very first day here. When I first met them…and how the day that followed brought Gamzee in…and how now it seemed he was a part of the little family that had been formed.

And how I wasn't.

I couldn't cry. I wouldn't. My head stayed on the table until I was finally being taken back to my room. It was only then they noticed me.

And I didn't care.


	12. Yes, That Was It

He came to my room that night. His makeup was smeared and he looked upset.

"I'm sorry."

That's all he said to me.

He sat on my bed next to me, holding his arms out for a hug. _Of course I hugged him…_

He didn't want to speak, it was obvious. He was just upset. Like he knew I would be mad about earlier.

And to be honest, I was.

Not that I'm not still a bit mad, but…seeing him upset broke my heart… But…everything he did made me feel some strange feeling in the pit of my stomach.

What was this called again? I remember my mom telling me about it when I was young…

A crush.

_Yes, that was it._


	13. I Have A Thing To Say-

_Nepeta was the first to know. _

I guess I trusted her most out of the others. Or maybe it was just because she was the first to greet me the next day, and the first to say she was sorry for ignoring me.

She squealed a bit when I told her, just in time for Terezi and Equius to join us at the table. She blurted it out to them without even letting them sit down first.

Terezi whispered something along the lines of "I ship it" to Nepeta. I was blushing, that was for sure.

It wasn't until Gamzee finally showed that we stopped talking about it. I didn't want him finding out- not yet, not ever.

But with Nepeta's little squealing self, it would be out sooner or later.

Probably soon.

Definitely soon.

But I wanted to say it.

Only me.


	14. Kiss, Kiss!

_Why is he here?_

_At a time like this I do NOT want to be alone with him!_

Gamzee sat back on the edge of my bed. Just like every night.

It had become a thing I guess…

And as much as I loved it- I didn't want to be alone with him right now in fear of what I'd do.

He grinned at me, talking about anything and everything…

That cute face he keeps giving me…I'm going to die…

I found myself staring again. His confused face stared right back.

My face oh god my face I can feel it heating up…

"heh. You look real motherfuckin cute Tavbro…" He spoke with a slight laugh- that smile plastered to his face.

I don't think I could get any redder.

Well- until he kissed me.

Soft lips brushed against my cheek, that little giggle filling my ears.

Much…much redder than before now.

I ended up staring again, but this time it was my turn to be confused.

And he liked that.

_He really did…_


	15. Did He Just?

I couldn't stop staring.

I heard him mutter a quick sorry, turning away. His face was turning red now.

No no no!

"Please don't be sorry I- I really liked that okay? I think I might kinda, sorta like you a little- I MEAN-" I spoke in a rush, slapping my hands over my mouth before I could say anymore but there was really nothing else to say. _He knows._

"You do?" His head snapped up, staring me in the eyes. That smile…its back…

I could only give a nod, feeling too embarrassed to speak.

Why- why are you- getting closer?

"Well- I might kinda…sorta…like you a little too Tavbro.." His hands wrapped around my wrists, pulling my hands away from their firm grasp around my mouth. His eyes met mine, and then his lips fell onto mine.

_"Maybe just a little…or maybe a lot." _


	16. HoNk hOnK!

We ended up just talking the rest of the night. At least until the nurses came in and caught us.

He was removed from my room and we were both being put on lock down.

Again.

_That was a week ago._

I could hear the screams from outside of my door every time a patient had a meltdown. And each time I began worrying about Gamzee a little more.

I wondered when that patient would be me.

But then I remembered it already was me once.

So I started wondering when it would happen again. And I wondered if Gamzee would be there the next time to calm me down or if he'd be detained again.

It wasn't until a loud honk rang through the halls outside that I snapped out of my trance.

_Gamzee._


	17. Code Blue

The alarms rang through the halls. They signaled a code blue.

What was he doing?!

"Someone contain him and go take care of the girl!"

I had sat myself by the door. I could hear everything the nurses yelled at each other.

I could hear Gamzee yelling about something, and I could hear crying.

It wasn't psychotic screaming and it wasn't "let me out" crying. It was anger…anger and depression.

_"We have a patient injured by another patient. She is in critical condition and could die at any moment. Please send an ambulance stat!" _

A nurse yelled into what I could only assume was a phone. A patient…

_"Yes, her name is Nena Leijon. She is 13 years old."_

The room began to spin.

_Nepeta. _


	18. When Silence Falls

No one heard anything about the incident.

No one was allowed to leave their rooms.

Especially us.

Nepeta was small, but she was strong.

I kept repeating to myself she'd be fine, she'd be fine, stop worry Tav she's going to be fine.

But…

I didn't know if she would be fine. I didn't know if she would make it.

We were let out of our rooms the next day. All of us. Even the people who were supposed to be detained.

They wanted us to socialize and "calm down about the incident."

I was brought out into the room and placed in my corner.

I didn't know if the others would come or not…but they did eventually.

Equius has tear stains on his face and Gamzee had scratches on his face. Terezi's glasses had been broken, too.

They all came and sat. But they all stayed silent.

Equius couldn't stop crying, Terezi looked…broken…and Gamzee- he seemed mad… I was…all of them combined.

But I was worried about them more than me…I wanted to help Equius stop crying and I wanted to help Terezi smile again and I wanted to make sure Gamzee wasn't in pain but I couldn't because I wasn't any better than them.

None of us knew when- or if- Nepeta was coming back.

And I don't think any of us could bare to think about it being an _if._


	19. Nepeta? Where Are You?

_And the saddest part about this all is that it was an if._

The following day was all but the same. Nepeta wasn't here.

And this time it was official.

_"We are sad to inform Nena will not be returning."_

_ "No, she's not being relocated, or taken home."_

_ "Yes, we are terribly sorry for her family and friends. The man is being locked away for good in a hospital."_

_ "No, not like this. A real hospital. Where they won't be able to help him."_

_ "Yes, yes we're very sad to say she's gone."_

Equius couldn't cry anymore.

Terezi couldn't face anyone anymore.

Gamzee flipped a table and had to be removed from the room by his nurse- who had to follow him around now.

And me? I sat silently. I sat silently hating the world.

No- not the world.

Just this world.

The world that killed one of the few people that understood.


	20. Speak To Me

A month had passed.

Gamzee had finally started talking again, he told me about what happened and he let me baby him a bit over his face. It was mostly healed now..

A patient had gone a bit insane, and he was angry. Nepeta being Nepeta tried to calm him down- only making him angrier. He attacked her, and Gamzee got out of his room when he heard her scream. He tried to save her but only ended up hurt. Equius saw the whole thing…but he couldn't do anything but cry. Terezi was standing at her door and heard everything…

I wish he hadn't told me.

He sat next to me the entire day in the rec room, his head on my shoulder. He talked and talked, ranting about how bad he felt and how it was his fault- but I couldn't say anything. I was afraid…

The others didn't come that day- but it was okay. I understood why…

I wish I didn't.


	21. If You Ever Come Back

Her parents had come to the centre a few days ago- they asked for us to attend her funeral.

It was planned just how she wanted it.

It was an open casket funeral…She was wearing her green coat and her blue hat… Just how she wanted it.

Equius stood over her, speaking quietly as the tears dripped off of his cheeks.

"Hey Nep…I never thought I'd have to do this…I guess I could start with saying I miss you. And I always will… OR how you're always going to be my moirall…and that I love you…but…mostly I think I'll say I'm sorry I couldn't save you. And that I'm sorry I wasn't there to help…I'm sorry for everything and I hope you can forgive me…I guess…this is goodbye Nepeta… I hope you have fun in cat heaven…just like you wanted…remember? …I do…" He couldn't stand there anymore. He broke down sobbing. Me and Gamzee helped him away as Terezi stepped up to her casket, glasses resting on top of her head now.

"I'm sorry Nepeta. I don't know what I'm supposed to say…I don't want to be doing this. I haven't smiled since you left and Equius is a mess and please come back… we need you here… I should've tried to get out. I should've tried to save you… I'm so sorry…"

She ran out of the room crying, her hand covering her sobs.

Gamzee quickly stepped up to the casket, holding tight onto my hand. _He did that a lot now…_

"I tried so hard…I really did…" He couldn't speak… He was always afraid now. Soft spoken and scared about every little thing. _Like he would destroy everything…_

I spoke up, feeling the tears rising.

"I knew this would happen. It's going to happen to all of us but I really hoped you wouldn't be the first. You're just…the innocent one…and I wish I could take your place. A soft spoken sweetheart that just wanted to protect her friends even if she knew she couldn't and we failed you… we failed to do the same for you. I failed you… and…no. I'm not sorry… I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself for not trying to help. I know you'll be fine. You're going to a much better place than here- at least that's what we can hope. Send us a postcard, will you? Let us know you're okay. I'm gonna miss you NepNep…But I know you'll be just fine…"

The room was filled with tears, some more than others. Terezi had come back inside and joined Equius in a silent sob in their seats. Me and Gamzee sat too.

I stared blankly at the casket sitting in front of us. I couldn't cry anymore.

_We'll be fine. _

_Just fine._


	22. Thank You

And that my dears is how this part of the story ends.

Tavros and Gamzee are a matespritship,

Nepeta has passed on,

Equius is broken

and Terezi is alone.

Where will they go from here?

Well you'll have to wait and see! ,

SEQUEL TO COME!


	23. Sequel!

Hello everyone~ as promise the sequel has begun!

Postcards To Home.

s/10216810/1/Postcards-To-Home


End file.
